Abyss

Man, am I in deep.
I feel like something is very wrong with me.
This is where this blog is going to help me in my pursuit to finish the Triple.
I need to write to sort out my thoughts, so I'm sorry if this particular entry seems like I'm talking to myself.

I have no energy. None.
I had plans to do a long ride up to St Agatha and back yesterday.
Made it to New Sweden when I realized that the ride was not going to happen.
I literally want to sleep, and had all I could do to get back to Presque Isle, where I laid down in my bed and slept for 4 hours.

I know whats up...I haven't been doing the things I need to be doing...
Sleeping..I only average 7 hours a night.
Eating well...I am having a hard time getting the calories I need every day to maintain the volume of training.
My body is essentially harvesting itself. I'm starving, in short.
It's affecting my attitude. I feel lethargic and depressed.

I've never counted calories, but I guess it's time to do that.
As I pedaled home yesterday, each stroke hurting me deeply, I had second thoughts.
Can I survive the triple?
Right now, I can't.

I guess the positive thing is that I realize today, 3 months away, that I need to get more professional about this event. Having the will to do the training means nothing if you can't supply that training with the fuel necessary to complete it.

I'm up against some very real factors here. Age, experience, and base.
Everyone in this event has years of experience in Ultradistance racing, and are in their mid-thirties and older.
While an athlete might be able to fake a 50 miler by training haphazardly, no one can fake a 421 Mile event.

Some thoughts I'm having during this "down phase":
I'm sure I can swim 7.2 miles, but how will pedaling a bike feel after that, moreover, for over 24 hours?
At what point is the event going to "get real", aka, when do the first round of mental crises come?

I never get these thoughts most of the time, and this is how I know something is not right.
Perhaps I should have taken a little more rest after the North Face Challenge.