ventilation system

this is how i know i need to move to a professional level....
i think i'll basically go crazy if i don't.

i need things to be steady, and right now, my training feels bi-polar.
it's either awesome days, or no training at all.
it's like i'm living two lives.

in one, i work. i eat crappy food. i drink beer. i hang out.
in another, i train. i eat clean food. i'm motivated. i jump out of bed to train.

thing is, i hate the first. hate it.
it's the same zombie life i had with olympia.

i'm sick of the winter, already, because i can't bike.
not even enjoying skiing this year....a first.
so over it being dark 75% of the day.

i know a lot of my recent blogs have sounded angry.
in a way, i guess i am.
i want to train. it's all i want.

i've finally reached this point... where the amount of time i have available to train does not give me what i feel is enough. it's too early in the year to forego sleep.
i'll crash in may if i start that now.
maybe it's a chance i have to take to preserve my sanity.

this wasn't that coherent.
my brain is scattered. now you know why.