Rambling

I'm not sure how I need to write this.
Bear with me.

There are a lot of questions and hypothetical scenarios swirling about right now.

For the last 8 months, there has been no real career plan...no LIFE plan.
Only a race plan: Deca 2011. All else: secondary.

Plane tickets for Mexico were paid for by Katherine, whom I was coaching.
All I needed was my entry fee, which I could have easily had paid for.

A few weeks ago, my plan was flipped totally upside down when I came from the woods: Mexico was cancelled.

There would be a new race in Italy, 1 month prior to the scheduled Mexico race, but my tickets would not be transferrable.

I set about looking for options, but my being in the mountains for 10 days at a time, with only 3 full days off, would be a large hinderance. Who could sponsor me? How could I raise this money? The budget would total more than $5,000 just to cover the most basic arrangements- not including food, or flying my bike, or other unforeseen expenses.

The hard truth is that I cannot get this together in the next 2 months, having only 6 full days off per month...the other 24-25 being away from any and all technology. Doing the math, I only have 9 days to get this together before I would have to think about leaving for Italy.
Who could have predicted my life choices, always passion-motivated, would virtually kill my chances of racing a Deca in 2011?

That was not easy to write, as I have only hinted around it to my parents and a few others.

Could this last-minute cancellation of Mexico be some kind of divine intervention?
Kale, get your life together.
Kale, these efforts are selfish. Get a cause.
Kale, get a career.
Kale, get some more racing under your belt first.
Kale, you're going to be 30 next year.
Kale, use your scorn as fire for next year, a la Triple DNF=Quintuple Finish.

Do I want to go another winter in a job I absolutely hate, or do I look for a compromise...a job with benefits that I can deal with year-round?
As you can see, there are a lot of things going on in my head, and this is why I maybe need to take some time and focus up after this summer of fun in the mountains.

The temporary closing of 1 door opens many others for the fall.
I'll go back to Virginia, and finish the Triple. Get back to my running roots and try to improve my times in ultras.
Not a step back, but a lateral step, to become a faster, tougher Ultra triathlete for 2012, where the Deca will be a priority.

I REALLY want to thank those that have believed in me all along, and supported me mentally or financially.
This is not an easy thing to deal with, having looked forward to it since the second I crossed the 5x finish line, but I take solace in the fact that every down has an upswing, and I ALWAYS make sure the upswing is equal or greater.

Part of me is still waiting on a miracle to come through, but I have to also look at reality.
The miracle-hoping side of me is the same side of me that just assumed sponsors would come flocking to me by the dozens after my Quintuple finish, which they did not.
Still considered very young for these distances, I plan on some pretty big things in the next 10 years.
The only thing I can do is keep putting notches in my belt, and more importantly to me now than ever: inspire and help people in the years to come.

"New life, in place of, old life....unscarred by trials" Pantera

krp